Affair Triangle

Affair Triangle

  • My Tips in Huff Post Article: Moving on After an Affair

    My Tips in Huff Post Article: Moving on After an Affair

    As some of you know, I am the author of two books on infidelity: Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband? and After a Good Man Cheats: How to Rebuild Trust & Intimacy With Your Wife.  I was recently quoted in the Huffington Post as an expert on affairs in marriage. Everything You Need To Know About Moving On After An Affair by Brittany Wong Associate Divorce Editor, The Huffington Post Moving on with your life after you’ve been cheated on can feel like an impossible task — especially if your S.O. decides to stay with his or her affair partner. First, you need to give yourself permission to feel everything: bitterness, sorrow, confusion, rage (in moderation). But at some point you need to move on and not let the affair define you. Below, experts on the subject of infidelity share their best advice for letting go and starting over after an affair. 1. Stop telling yourself you’ve been wronged.   No, it’s not right that your ex cheated. And if he or she has moved on with the affair partner, it definitely doesn’t seem fair. But if you’re ever going to move on, you need to stop thinking of the affair as an injustice, said Tracy Schorn, the author of Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady’s Survival Guide.  “Every time you go down the rabbit hole of how unfair it is and compare how happy they are after what they did, ask yourself, ‘OK, so what am I going to do about it? How am I going to move forward anyway?’” she advised. “That’s all you control — you. You don’t control the crappy things other people do. You only control how you’re going to respond. So focus on what you control — your new, cheater-free life.” 2. Accept that the marriage is over.  Once you’ve made the decision to end the marriage or relationship, commit yourself to leaving. That means figuring out the logistics of divorce (Where are you going to stay? Should you retain a lawyer or is mediation your best bet?) and also coming to terms with the finality of your decision, said Caroline Madden, a marriage therapist and the author of Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband?  “Stop waiting for your spouse to come through the door,” she said. “Stop arguing about the affair. There is nothing to argue about anymore.Read more…