If you had the extramarital affair, you may be relieved that it’s out but feel racked with guilt about hurting someone you do care about. You may be wondering if your spouse can ever move beyond this or if it will always be something held over you. You probably do not know what to do about the intensity of your partner’s anger, particularly when it keeps coming up over and over again. Will you be in the dog house forever?
In fact, you may be saying things that are digging you deeper into the hole. When you say, “But I don’t love her,” your wife hears, “I hurt you for no reason.” When you say, “I was in love with her,” your wife hears “I really wanted her, but it didn’t work out so I’m with you.” You can’t win right now. I can help you communicate what you really want to say: “I’m sorry for hurting you. Having an affair was my responsibility, but I haven’t been happy in our relationship for awhile. I don’t want to go back to being unhappy.” I know that for some men talking to a third party (eg. ME) is a last resort. For a DIY solution, check out my book After a Good Man Cheats: How to Rebuild Trust & Intimacy with Your Wife.